Do you ever decide something so randomly you just can't help but go with it? No? Me either. But that's what happened approximately 4 weeks ago when I decided to pack up what I could and move to Arizona. Life is weird. And this is by far the most random thing I've done with my life. I am a planner and doing things on a whim doesn't sit well with me.
2016 started out relatively safe. I was back in school finally working towards finishing my bachelors; I was working two jobs that I loved 90% of the time. I was a dental assistant during the week and then also a server some nights\weekends. I spent most of my free times doing school work, but I also had time to go to the farmers market on Saturday morning, have early morning breakfast with my friends and even see my family most days. I was blessed with a schedule that worked for me and allowed me to do the things I loved. I was comfortable and content with life. April rolled around and I was well into my second semester at Eastern Oregon University. I took a trip to Arizona to visit Chels and Rach and their babies. This was a turning point in my year. I realized just how unhappy I was with my life in Idaho. I had grown accustomed to certain things and that's why I tolerated the way my life was going.
After my week long vacation I never felt true joy being in Idaho anymore. Unless you count spending time with the family and true friends I had there, of course. My jobs no longer made me happy, I dreaded having such a busy schedule. I tried to make it work; thinking to myself it was just a hump I had to get over.
One of my "friends" was getting married later in the year and I tried religiously to help with whatever she might have needed. Her maid of honor quit her wedding which was awful to say the least but things were falling apart for her. Randomly she decided to add me and another friend to her wedding party a month before her wedding. Anything for a friend right? Of course. I spend the next 3 weeks at her beck-n-call helping her get her last minute details together. Deciding this or that, what decorations she wanted where and so on. All of this only to have her TEXT me telling me that I was no longer in her wedding party because her fiancé didn't want to ask someone to be a groomsmen. Random? Yes. Was I hurt? Of course. But what hurt worse was that there was no effort to let me know I was still welcome at the wedding; that she still wanted me there by her side when everything was going down that day. But apparently she was stressed and stress allows you to treat your "friends" poorly. I have nothing but love for her in my heart and wish her the best, but I refuse to allow people to have a huge part of my life when they treat me like second best.
After this happened I was kind of at the end of my rope. I had a knot and I was hanging on for dear life. I went through the motions but often found myself in tears thinking that this is all my life would ever be. I thought about how years would pass and I would still be doing the same thing. I knew things needed to change. I posted my furniture on the classifieds page and 4 hours later my home was practically empty. I had clothes, kitchen stuff and a bed left. I suddenly felt this weight lift. As much as I loved Mountain Home for being my hometown I knew I could never grow into the woman I was supposed to become living there. I had lived back in Mountain Home for 3 years following my divorce and with that still over me in that little city; I knew it was time for a change.
When I realized I was living a life I was not proud of I knew changes needed to be made.
On August 22, 2016 my mom and my wonderful brother helped me pack all my stuff up in my little cavalier and a mini van and we headed off to Arizona. I was nervous and I cried a lot the night before we left. Had I just made a huge mistake? Probably. Would things work out? Most definitely. I was leaving behind a great job and a second job that brought in income. I was living on my own and independent, which made me happy. Now I was leaving all of the for what? A feeling I had that life would be better for me outside this town I called home? The Lord has a much bigger plan than we have for ourselves and that has been my greatest lesson this past month.
This month in Arizona has brought more happiness than my years in Idaho. I firmly believe it's because mentally and spiritually I am able to be in a better place here. I miss my friends dearly but they understand the necessity of the move. I miss my mom and brothers even more but family is forever, so they're stuck with me for the long haul. I've even been growing my eyelashes back, which is a miracle! (Yes, my hair and eyelashes fall off and break when I'm stressed, how unlucky right?!)
I start school and work again next week. I truly believe I needed this month surrounding myself with unconditional love to remind myself that life is not bad. Bad days, or months, definitely do not equal a bad life. The Lord can only give us the blessings we are willing and able to receive. Sometimes trials are blessings in disguise, opening our hearts to different things in life.
Since moving to Arizona I have been blessed to be able to attend the most loving ward with my sisters family. Everyone is so welcoming and they will shower you with compliments every Sunday, who doesn't like to hear nice things about themselves? Attending church brings a peace to me that lets me know my Heavenly Father and Savior know who I am. They know the trials I am going through, they know the desires of my heart and they know me. Every Sunday it's amazing to me that the speakers that talk have something to say directly to me. Our Heavenly Father knows what we need to hear. My testimony has been able to grow so much just in the past month and I know it will continue to do so. I love the Gospel and the blessings it brings into my life.
Life with continue to change, I'm sure. Many more things will probably go wrong and that's okay. Life is about constantly moving forward and progressing. I have nothing but hope for the happy things that are going to come.
